Four Doors and a Highway
by Appello
Summary: Sometimes you need to be boxed in to find the words you truly mean. My version of the conversation between Carol and Daryl as they chase after Beth's kidnappers. Inspired by the epic Caryl feels in the first few episodes of Season 5.


**A/N: So... I had no intention of writing another story about this couple. But the first two episodes of Season 5 were so full of Caryl feels that I couldn't resist. There is just so much angst and love and hurt and longing between these two it's impossible for me to stay away. **

**This is my interpretation of their conversation in the car following straight from the end of Episode 2. I'm well aware that in less than a week this will probably be made redundant by the 'official' version of the show, but I wrote it anyway and thought I might as well share the love :D**

**Disclaimer: Nothing about The Walking Dead is mine. **

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><p><em>The Walking Dead<em>

_Four doors and a highway_

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><p>They drove in silence. Daryl had both hands gripping the steering wheel, squinting into the darkness for the blur that was the disappearing tailgate of Beth's kidnappers. His foot leant on the accelerator, the car's engine groaning in complaint after such a long time out of action.<p>

To his right, Carol was silent. She hadn't spoken a word since her initial outburst. But he was acutely aware of her presence, just like he had been every moment since she rejoined them. He'd barely been able to let her out of his sight. And just as well, he thought angrily, resisting the urge to start chewing on his thumbnail. Everybody else had been too busy enjoying themselves to notice when she slipped quietly out the church doors. Only he had been paying enough attention. It made his blood run cold to think what might've happened if he hadn't come after her. Most likely, she'd be halfway to nowhere by now, and he'd have lost her all over again.

The car ahead took a sharp turn, and Daryl mirrored the action, jerking the car onto the highway. The tyres skidded on the dewy bitumen, and he hissed in annoyance.

"Assholes can't drive forever," he muttered.

She didn't reply, and they lapsed into silence. Daryl didn't know why it felt so uncomfortable. He'd hoped they would've been over this shit by now, after everything they'd been through. But he felt as awkward as a goddamn teenager around her, and he just knew that anything he tried to say would come out wrong. Besides, she'd already made it clear she didn't want to confide in him. His fingers tightened on the wheel as he remembered her first words to him when he finally got her on her own.

'_I don't want to talk about it. I can't. I just want to forget.'_

He hadn't pressed the issue, even though the rejection stung like a sonbitch. He wasn't about to start demanding answers and risk pushing her further away. But he knew something had happened to her. While the others were busy jerking off over Eugene and DC, he had watched and seen the haunted shadows in her gaze, the way her eyes flitted around like a caged animal searching for an escape route. She was different, harder and colder and yet somehow more defeated than he remembered, and he didn't have the first clue how to go about breaking down the walls she had erected.

"You got your piece?" he asked abruptly.

She nodded.

"Loaded?"

"Of course."

He breathed out heavily, flexing his fingers on the wheel. For a brief moment, he dared to take his gaze from the road and look at her. She was staring straight ahead, observing the frenzied chase with an almost passive curiosity. It occurred to him that she hadn't asked a single question since he'd told her they had Beth.

"You gonna tell me the real reason you was hanging by that car?"

Carol's lips pressed together. He waited expectantly for her to answer, but she made no reply, and eventually he couldn't help himself.

"You were gonna leave, weren't ya?"

She didn't attempt to deny it. Daryl felt his insides clench like he'd taken a kick to the gut. His grip on the steering wheel became white-knuckled. "Why?"

"You don't understand," she began.

"I don' understand cause you ain't told me shit," he snapped, surprised at the rush of anger that flooded him like a shot of pure adrenalin. He felt Carol draw away from his harsh words, but couldn't help himself. "I'm tryin' to understand why the hell you'd wanna leave when you only just got back."

"I don't belong here," she replied softly. Her words were soft, but they packed a bigger punch than his old man on a bender. Daryl grit his teeth, resisting the urge to slam the brakes on and shake her til she saw sense. He couldn't believe she would say something so stupid and for a moment he was rendered speechless.

"What the hell you talkin' 'bout?" he growled at last, trying to catch her gaze but failing when she continued to stare resolutely out the window.

Carol shifted restlessly in her seat. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Too bad," he retorted, well and truly done playing the nice guy. He would damn well wring the information out of her if he had to. "You're one of us. Always have been."

"I'm not," she whispered. "Not anymore."

"That's _bullshit_."

"Rick banished me," she said, swivelling to face him at last. He was so relieved to lock onto her blue eyes that for a moment he forgot what they were even arguing about.

"I told ya, that's over – "

"I _killed_ Karen and David."

He punched the steering wheel in frustration. "Why ya gotta keep beatin' yourself up about that? We've all done shit, Carol. You ain't no worse than the rest of us."

"How can you say that?" she demanded angrily. "Rick sent me away. He didn't want me there, after what I'd done."

"So what, you just gonna keep runnin'?" he shot back, spinning the wheel sharply as the car ahead turned again. "You can't make it on your own out there."

"Does it matter if I don't?"

The question lanced through him like a gunshot and he flexed the muscles of his arms, taut as a bowstring. "Of course it fuckin' matters."

She was silent for a while. "I don't know what the point is anymore," she said at last, softly. "I thought I did but I… I don't."

"The point's to survive," he answered without hesitation.

"Survive for what, though?"

The other car was starting to drift ahead. Daryl pressed down on the accelerator until he felt the pedal hit the floor. A sign flashed passed, advertising the name of the town they were approaching. "This thing in DC – "

"You don't believe that anymore than I do," she said flatly.

He tried to remember if she had always been so cutting. If she was he couldn't remember. "The others do," he persisted doggedly, not even sure why he was arguing with her at this point. She was right. He didn't believe.

Carol turned her head so that she was staring out the window again. He could see her reflection in the glass, eyes full of pain but jaw clenched and determined. "That's because they're fools," she said.

"Nah." He shook his head. "It's cause they got hope." Brake lights lit up the road ahead of them and he eased his foot off the accelerator a fraction. "An' so do you. Or ya wouldn't've saved us."

They were heading into an industrial area now, the forest giving way to rundown buildings and weed covered blocks. Carol was silent for so long he began to think she wouldn't reply. When she finally spoke, her voice was paper thin. "I remember the last time you told me to have hope."

The words were like a knife thrust straight into his ribs. His chest tightened painfully, and he couldn't help the ragged breath he drew in like a curse. He blinked and all at once he was standing on Hershel's farm again, watching all his assurances and pointless guarantees come crashing down around his ears. Watching Rick pull the trigger on a little girl he had promised her mother he would find.

The silence was so strained it felt like the very air might snap. He heard Carol draw a shuddering breath, and realised belatedly that she was crying.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I didn't mean – "

"You're right," he said roughly, voice harsh with suppressed emotion. "I did have hope. I told ya I'd find your little girl and I didn't. I know I fucked that up."

"Daryl I – "

"But that don't mean we can't never hope again," he continued, the words falling clunky and ugly off his tongue. He was no good at this kind of thing. "It don't mean life ain't worth livin'. And it sure as hell don't mean you can just 'opt out' when things get too hard."

She was crying openly now, the tears tracking her cheeks and shining in the moonlight. "I'm sorry," she sobbed, her chin trembling as the dam of her emotions threatened to break. "I'm sorry, Daryl. I'm so sorry."

"Stop," he ordered, pulling to a halt as the car ahead of them cut its lights and turned into what looked like an abandoned factory about a hundred yards or so away. He pried his fingers from the steering wheel and shifted in his seat, nudging Carol's jaw and easing her head up until she met his eyes. "We ain't got time for this right now."

Her eyes blinked rapidly, and he wanted to kick himself for getting her this worked up when they should have been concentrating on a plan for finding Beth. As it was, she was in no fit state to go out there and he was loathe to put her in any kind of danger. "You should stay here," he said, swinging his crossbow over his shoulder.

"No." She dragged her sleeve across her face one last time and drew in a deep breath. He watched as she visibly reigned in her emotions and locked them behind that now familiar steely wall. "You don't have to protect me Daryl."

Her eyes seemed huge as she looked at him, her skin milky pale in the moonlight. She looked too delicate to be a part of this world. He was struck by a sudden urge to draw her close. "You're right," he said. "I don't."

She stared at him, and there was a flicker of familiar warmth in her eyes that made his chest ache more than he would ever admit. The first sign of the Carol that he knew and loved. "We'll be okay," she said, taking his hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. He didn't let go straight away, holding on for a moment and running his thumb over her knuckles. It was a miracle her skin was still so soft, after everything they'd been through. "I believe in you, Daryl."

He only nodded, and released her hand. No point trying to tell her how much her faith meant to him. Or how glad he was that she was there by her side. He had no way of saying it and if she didn't know by now she never would.

"C'mon," he said, opening the car door and stepping out silently into the night. "Let's go kick some ass."

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><p><strong>AN: Thanks for reading, and don't forget to let me know what you think! I love hearing from you all. **


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